This was a good book (with a terrible clickbait subtitle) all about sex and relationships that was recommended to me after I finished the Esther Perel book. The thesis of the book is more or less that good sex depends on context, whether love/emotional bonding cues, explicit/erotic cues, visual/proximity cues, or romantic/implicit cues. Nagoski uses some really useful language of brakes and accelerators with sex, because someone not desiring sex isn't just because there is nothing making them want it (accelerator) but also can be because there is something stopping the desire (brake). Some of the brakes are feelings about one's body, concerns about reputation, unwanted pregnancy, feeling used by a partner, not feeling accepted by a partner, poor style of approach, timing, and negative mood.
There's also useful information in the book about how the point of sex should be pleasure, not orgasm. While orgasm and pleasure usually go hand in hand, they often don't. Vaginal lubrication isn't an indication of pleasure, as many women become lubricated and orgasm during rape, and there are also many occasions in which women enjoy sex but don't become lubricated or orgasm. The lesson is to listen to women's words more than their bodies, which requires trust in the relationship.
Miscellaneous Fact:
- Fetuses have been known to masturbate in utero.
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