Reflection on Boys and Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity by Peggy Orenstein

              I read Peggy Orenstein’s book Girls and Sex several years ago (2017 I think) and I was very impressed. She went around the United States interviewing girls about taboo sexual subject, how they felt about hookup culture, and all sorts of things that affect young women in that context. At the time I thought that I would really enjoy reading a version of that book for boys. Well that version finally came out and it is an excellent companion to the first. I would highly recommend reading both books to people interested in the effects of hookup culture, especially young people like myself from high school to a post-college age.

              One of the really good improvements Orenstein makes in this book is broadening her focus outside of cis-gendered, heterosexual relationships. I found it interesting that one of the reasons that there are often huge age gaps in relationships between gay teenagers and adult men is because gay teenagers can’t find each other as easily and resort to seeing older men. I also learned that there is more openness in gay culture because, as author Dan Savage writes (quoted in the book), gay men tend to use the “four magic words,” which are “what are you into?” Because not all gay men want to be penetrated or penetrate, they will generally communicate this to each other. This sort of thing would definitely be very good for heterosexual relationships and it gives people an opportunity to connect more deeply with someone and understand better each others’ likes and dislikes before sex. Orenstein also covers transgender boys and men, who have experience on both sides of gender, which gives them a unique perspective. On my kindle, this book was barely over 200 pages and is a quick and interesting read. Five stars.


Miscellaneous Facts:

• Orenstein writes that for men, the overlap between blood flow to the genitals and “turned-on” feelings is only 50 percent, yet for women it is only 10 percent.